The ancient Greeks
were just as sophisticated in the way they talked about love,
recognizing seven different varieties. They would have been shocked by
our crudeness in using a single word both to whisper “l love you”
over a candlelit meal and to casually sign an email “lots of love.”
So what were the faces of love known to the Greeks?
Philia:
Which the Greeks valued far more than the base sexuality of even
eros. Philia concerned the deep comradely friendship that developed
between brothers in arms who had fought side by side on the
battlefield. It was about showing loyalty to your friends,
sacrificing for them, as well as sharing your emotions with them.
We can all ask ourselves how
much of this comradely philia love we have in our lives. It’s an
important question in an age when we attempt to amass “friends” on
Face-book or ‘followers’ on Twitter — achievements that would have
hardly impressed the Greeks. The city of Philadelphia is named after
this form of love! Not surprisingly, Philia was often coupled with
other forms of the word (G0YS already know this).
Eros:The
most recognized kind of love is often eros, named after the Greek god -
and represented the idea of sexual passion and desire. But the
Greeks didn’t always think of it as something positive. In fact, eros was viewed as a dangerous, fiery and
irrational form of love that could take hold of you and possess you
— an attitude shared by many later spiritual thinkers. Misused, Eros
sees people as mere sexual objects. However, tempered with an
attitude that frames Eros as part of love's bigger picture as an
intense aesthetic appreciation; -It can become one of most desirable
parts of love. In context, Eros becomes the most appreciated
physical part of love. Nothing says "acceptance" on a deeply
personal level like sexual attraction does. And those who have
looked deeply into the matter know that adult erotic imagery does
not necessarily equal "pornograpy". There is a distinction. Porn is
perverted Eros!
Ludus:
This was the Greek’s idea of playful love, which referred to the
playful affection between children or young lovers. We’ve all had a
taste of it in the flirting and teasing in the early stages of a
relationship. But we also live out our ludus when we sit around in a
bar bantering and laughing with friends, or when we go out dancing.
Dancing with strangers may be the ultimate ludic activity. Social
norms frown on this kind of adult playful frivolity, but a little
more ludus might be just what we need to spice up our love lives.
Philautia:
This variety of love was philautia or self-love. The Greeks
realized there were two types. One was an unhealthy variety
associated with narcissism, where you became self-obsessed, and
focused on gaining personal fame and fortune at the detriment of
others. A healthier version of
philautia enhanced your wider capacity to love. The idea was that if
you like yourself and feel secure in yourself, you will have plenty
of love to give others. Or as Aristotle put it, “All friendly
feelings for others are an extension of man’s feelings for himself.”
Storge: Similar to philia, embodies the love between parents and their
children or adults who have parental temperaments. If you've ever
wondered why people adopt children, operate orphanages, start
recreational youth centers, organize scouts groups, & all of
the other activities that culture youth in society; - Storge is the
reason.
Agape:
Perhaps the most radical, was agape or selfless love. This was a
love that you extended to all people, whether family members or
distant strangers. Agape was later translated into Latin as caritas,
which is the origin of our word charity. Lewis referred to it as
“gift love,” the highest form of Christian love. There is
growing evidence that agape is in a dangerous decline in many
countries. Empathy levels in the U.S. have dropped nearly 50 percent
over the past 40 years, with the steepest fall occurring in the past
decade. We urgently need to revive our capacity to care about
strangers.
Pragma:
Another Greek love was pragma or mature love. This was the deep
understanding that developed between long-married couples. It was
about making compromises to help the relationship work over time,
and showing patience and tolerance. The psychoanalyst Erich Fromm
said that we expend too much energy on “falling in love” and need to
learn more how to “stand in love.” Pragma is precisely about
standing in love — making an effort to give love rather than just
receive it. With divorce rates currently running at 50 percent, the
Greeks would surely think we should bring a serious dose of pragma
into our relationships.